


sometimes i miss you and i wish i didn't.

by 5H1Nee



Category: bts, namjin - Fandom, 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Angst, M/M, im sorry
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-10
Updated: 2019-02-10
Packaged: 2019-10-25 12:21:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,081
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17725094
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/5H1Nee/pseuds/5H1Nee
Summary: seokjin and namjoon are best friends. well, they once were.seokjin is, or was, in love with someone and he knew it wasn't his best relationship.namjoon agreed.to more things than just the messy relationship.





	sometimes i miss you and i wish i didn't.

**Author's Note:**

> based on a playlist i made about my own former relationship. it has a storyline.  
> to what we once were.  
> also i didn't know who to really use for this. i thought about taekook.  
> but then i was like hey! namjin sounds pretty cool!

_i’m so sick of lying._

_you gotta know that._

 

and in fact, seokjin was. he was bored of his relationship. that was putting it in harsh words, at least. he wanted something new, and being with this guy just wasn’t for him. he had been on the phone for countless hours with his best friend namjoon the night prior - complaining about how **_he never does anything good for me! even on our one year anniversary, joon - he literally said “happy anniversary!” then hung out with friends for the day._** **_a year, namjoon!_**

namjoon didn’t know how to react. he just told seokjin to _break up with him and find someone new._ that’s how it always was. it had been like that ever since seokjin started dating that guy. but nothing ever changes, does it?

no.

it doesn’t.

 

_it’s not that i believe it_

_but that i want to try holding out_

_because this is all that i can do._

 

months had gone by. seokjin didn’t want to leave him. it was difficult to leave someone that you had trusted for so long. seokjin knew what it was like - he and namjoon had a bit of a fall out after namjoon pointed out how unhappy seokjin was. _you need to leave him, seokjin. you’re unhappy. i can tell. you’re my best friend and i know how these things work out._

**_you don’t know what’s good for me, namjoon. you’re my best friend. hell, maybe you’re trying to break us up so you can get with him. is that it, namjoon? is that what all of this has been about?_ **

it wasn’t. but namjoon couldn’t tell seokjin the truth. the truth was namjoon had been chasing seokjin - and seeing him unhappy like this was disheartening. however, in a fit of rage, one of the worst lies had slipped through.

_actually, seokjin, it is. that’s it._

**_and to think i could trust you, kim namjoon._ **

he doesn’t know why he did it.

 

_but nothing is better sometimes_

_once we've both said our goodbyes_

_let's just let it go_

_let me let you go._

 

one day, it’s like a switch flipped. seokjin woke up to another empty bed. that’s all his boyfriend ever did - was leave him alone. but today was **_so much different. i decided that this was the end to whatever had begun between him and i. i couldn’t stand being unloved._ **

**_and i missed namjoon._ **

entering the house, **_he walked through as if he had been through a busy night. i was so used to seeing him hungover. he smelled like someone else._ **

“where were you?” seokjin asked, crossing his arms.

**_i knew._ **

“my sister’s house. don’t worry. you know what, seokjin? you worry too much.”

“me? i worry too much? oh, forgive me for caring about my boyfriend.”

**_should i even call you that anymore? based on the way you’ve been treating me?_ **

“seokjin, it’s not that hard to not worry. i was in safe hands.”

“yeah, i’m sure you were.”

**_in his arms. that’s where you were. that’s where you’ve always been._ **

“yeah, i’m gonna get a few more hours in before i go to work.”

seokjin felt his stomach tighten.

“i can’t do this anymore.” seokjin managed to croak out.

**_you were a stranger entering my bed._ **

**_you were a stranger while kissing me._ **

**_you were a stranger making love to me._ **

**_you were a stranger to me when you said the first “i love you.”_ **

**_i was a stranger to you when i said it back._ **

**_and now you’re a stranger packing your clothes, and walking out my door._ **

**_and from now on, we’re strangers to each other._ **

 

_maybe back then_

_if i had just a little more courage_

_and stood before you_

_would everything be different now?_

 

seokjin stood at the bus stop, staring at his rain soaked shoes. at least, he thought it was rain. it may have also been the tears that were slowly falling from his cheeks.

the bus soon arrived and on seokjin went. he was enjoying his dramatic out-the-window stare until he saw namjoon walking down the street, seemingly in a hurry.

**_what is he doing? why is he going by so fast?_ **

seokjin pulled the string above his head and immediately sped off the bus. he saw namjoon speeding faster, and to the best of his strength pulled out into a full body star pose - causing namjoon to crash head first into seokjin’s chest.

“what the hell man? get out of th-”

_seokjin?!_

namjoon gathered his thoughts and blinked rapidly.

“why are you in such a hurry, joonie?”

“since when did you suddenly have the guts to call me by a nickname, seokjin?”

seokjin was in utter shock. **_since when did you become such a dickhead, kim namjoon?!_ **

“i have to do something for a class. now if you excuse me….”

“i was just on my way there. i’ll go with you.”

_no. that’s the last thing i want to do. i don’t want to talk to you._

“fine.”

and that is all that was said.

 

_again today, i’m thinking of you all night_

_even when i close my eyes_

_i see your face._

  


seokjin came home from a night of partying. he can’t exactly recall what happened, but he knows he had fun. that’s really all that matters. he was trying his best to get over what had happened a month prior.

**_why am i still in love with him, namjoon?_ **

_it’s normal, seokjin. it’s only been a month and you two had been together for a while._

**_namjoon, can i tell you something? i’ve never told anyone this. not even_ ** **_him._ ** **_and you know, when i have something to say, i’m very vocal about it._ **

_yes seokjin i know._

**_i want you to have sex with me. make me forget._ **

at the time, it seemed like a good idea. but the morning after, seokjin felt his heart drop to his ass. he had never dressed himself faster.

**_god namjoon. why did you agree? why?! damn you, kim namjoon. you know better._ **

**_actually._ **

**_damn you, kim seokjin._ **

**_you know better._ **

it was around 8pm. seokjin felt himself falling asleep. stressing over a small situation like this really tired him out. after 15 minutes of trying to keep his eyes open, he decided to let sleep win.

_i love you, kim seokjin._

_i always have._

_and i never will stop loving you._

is something namjoon wanted to say, but never could.


End file.
